Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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