I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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