I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
