Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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