Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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