I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
