My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
