Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
