wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
