Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
