He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
