I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
