new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
