When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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