Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
