i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
