my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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