So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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