Will you blow on my dice?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
