So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
