After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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