Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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