I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
