the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize