I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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