I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
