she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
