I got chris browned last night
Say something about gay babies.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
