i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize