You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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