Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
