My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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