youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
