I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
