so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
