Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
