Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
