he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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