thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
