I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
