That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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