last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
