the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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