so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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