I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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