The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just gift wrapped bread.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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