dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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