I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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