You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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