Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
