Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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