i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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