just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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