I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
