yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
