please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
