My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
