I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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