i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
