new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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