you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
