The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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