what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
