I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
