Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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