Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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