You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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