And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
