can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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