Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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