I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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