He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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