Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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