thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
