Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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