i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she looked like the before picture.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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