I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
