Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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